Even some of the best games have flaws. Sometimes those flaws are characters that are underdeveloped, awkward, or otherwise annoying. They are the Scrappy-Doos of video games; characters we didn't ask for, didn't want, and got anyway. Here's a roundup of the lamest characters from games that were still a lot of fun.
Warning, mild spoilers and nasty insults ahead.
Marcus Fenix (Gears of War) – Marcus was a Gear soldier and legendary hero who served during the Pendulum Wars. And while he’s good at popping Locust heads like zits, he has the personality of a wedge of cheese – not a cool wedge of cheese like Cheddar or Pepper Jack either, but the boring kind of cheese that got wedgies in high school. Marcus sounds like Eeyore from Winnie-the-Pooh after taking a hit of OxyContin. We know that his planet is in ruins, and he’s been caught in a massive war for as long as he can remember, but Marcus’ sour disposition is depressing. This guy is about as lively as a funeral, and his jock-like demeanor allows him to produce sentences that are only a little more intelligible than a spilled bowl of Alphabet Soup. His skin is also so leathery that it looks like an alcoholic's liver.
Raiden (Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty) – Sure, Raiden has turned into a cybernetic ninja that is so slick that insults just slide off him, but the reason he was given such an impressive makeover was because when we first meet this effeminate spy he was complaining about his ex-girlfriend and slipping on bird crap on an oil platform. This supposedly tough super spy whines more than a train with rubber wheels and a baby conductor. In fact, he probably whines when his waiter brings him regular Pepsi instead of Diet Coke. It doesn't help that he has a haircut that would only look good on a Victoria's Secret model. The worst thing about Raiden is that he prevented players from assuming the role of fan-favorite badass Solid Snake. Kojima snuck this character into the Metal Gear franchise; no one even knew that he existed before Metal Gear Solid 2 hit store shelves. Unfortunately, his surprise felt less like, "Surprise! We're throwing you a birthday party!" and more like, "Surprise, give me your money or I will kill your dog."
Slippy Toad (Star Fox) – When an anthropomorphic space monkey invades the Lylat system and threatens to subjugate an entire solar system, the Cornerian Army assembles a crack squad of elite fighters…and one tagalong named Slippy. This high-strung frog is Star Fox’s mechanic, but he can’t repair the loose nuts in his own head. If you look into his eyes you can actually see an empty void staring back at you, and if you put his head up to your ear you can hear the ocean. The Fox team would actually be more successful without him, because Slippy’s idea of dogfighting has him shooting at the horizon while he flies in front of every enemy in Andross’ army. If you fail to save him, he plummets to the ground, screaming like a seal caught in the jaws of great white shark. We have to admit that our crosshairs might have “accidentally” brushed across his ship a few times when he called out for help…and occasionally when he didn’t.