I’m taking a few weeks off from work, because if you don’t use your vacation time you are a tremendous sucker. In an effort to make myself look like a hero, I took on a bunch of assignments in the office shortly before leaving. Unfortunately, I may have bitten off more than I could comfortably chew. Rather than leave everyone completely high and dry, I’m leaving them high and dry AFTER posting this compilation of the amazing Top 10 lists I had in the hopper. Sorry/you’re welcome!
This has become something of a habit for me. I promise that it probably won’t happen again. I’ve bought a book on time management that I have every intention of getting around to reading. But enough about that! Here are 10 incomplete ideas that I’m sharing with you.
Top 10 Games Where An Unseen Audience Enthusiastically Cheers Out Names
When a crowd screams your name in unison, it pumps you up. At least, I’m assuming it does. The only time I ever heard someone shout “Jeff!” was when I was five and wandered away from my mom in the produce department. Thanks to the magic of video games, however, I’m able to hear my proxies soak up the adoration of their fans. OK, technically the crowd in Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor is cheering for the Uruk who is hell-bent on killing you, and the only person who cheers on your character is a dead elf. But you will hear “Ness!” in Smash after you pick the best character (Ness!) and beat the snot out of everyone else. Kyle and I thought this idea was pure gold, but we stalled out after these two entries. And the idea of posting a Top 2 list is ridiculous.
Top 10 Things I Wouldn’t Want To Smell In Gaming
True story: Whenever I’m making fun of sites for doing lame things like posting lame Top 10 lists, I counter with the idea that we should do a Top 10 Farts In Games list. People in the office used to laugh, but I said it too many times and now everyone just looks down or at a wall. Fortunately, we have a new guy in the office and I can try it out on him. Anyway, the reason I never actually tackled this list was because it’s super crass and lowbrow and I don’t like to resort to toilet humor. As an alternative, I came up with this idea, which included that pile of *** from Conkers Bad Fur Day and Abe’s farts from Abe’s Oddysee. I’ll get back to it someday, so please forget that you read this.
Top 10 Blue Mascots
Everybody does a Top 10 Mascots list at some point in their games-writing career. It’s practically mandatory! I added a fresh new angle on this timeless idea by introducing this question: What about the blue ones? With that in mind, I did a Google search and I was on my way. The results? Sonic the Hedgehog (SURPRISE!) and the L.A. Breakers’ mascot from Double Dribble on NES. Then I started looking at some other stuff on Google and the rest is history.
Top 10 NeoGAF Threads That Made It Two Pages Without Anyone Bringing Up Spec Ops: The Line
NeoGAF’s forums are a fantastic place to read about video games. In particular, it’s a fantastic place to read about the 2012 FPS Spec Ops: The Line. It struck a nerve with posters over there, to the point where its evangelical following manages to slip in references to it (and its take on games and morality) regardless of how germane it is to the discussion at hand. That said, I did find a couple of posts that didn’t include any mentions of white phosphorus, the ethics of war, or ludonarrative dissonance: a post about the release date of the Wii U version of Super Smash Bros. and one about Plants vs. Zombies: Garden Warfare or whatever.
Top 10 Hilarious Moments From Street Fighter II Endings
I used to play a lot of Street Fighter II when it was in arcades. I’m an old person. It was a great game for two reasons: the endings, and it was fun. It could be tricky to see the endings, because lame-os would always want to fight head-to-head (remember: it was fun). I eventually saw them all, and two stuck out. First, Ken’s. When his girlfriend, Eliza, floated into view she drifted across the screen like a balloon. He says, “What are you doing here?” Thanks to the limited space available on the monitor, his disbelief was inadvertently amplified as he seemingly asked, “What are you?” Oh, how we laughed. And then there was Ryu. Punching waterfalls? What a dingus! What is he hoping to accomplish? Compared to the somber tone of Zangief's and Dhalsim’s endings, these were a hoot. I guess this idea was flawed from the beginning. Also, there were only eight playable characters.