Video games and films haven't always mixed well, but when film producers pick up licenses like Space Invaders, Need for Speed, and Tetris, we have to start wondering if they're actively trying to fail. In an effort to help Hollywood waste billions of dollars, we've compiled a list of eight of the worst games ripe for a film adaptation. Don't be surprised if some of these actually make it to a theater near you soon.
Just Dance
The Game: Ubisoft’s simple dance game has become one of its best selling video game franchises of all time, selling over 59 million copies worldwide. Players use motion controls to move to the beat of iconic pop songs and then sucker their friends into looking like idiots with them.
Hollywood’s Terrible Adaptation: In the elite world of competitive dance anything goes, but no one expected the third annual Dance ’Til You Drop competition to get invaded by terrorists. Now an extremist militant group is holding the competition hostage until their demands are met. Only a ragtag band of inner city dancers called the Beat Street Boyz have the footwork to dance their way through New York City and disarm three nuclear warheads before midnight. But they’ll have to compete with the Phanny Pack and the Salsa Dolls if they want to save the world and win the million dollar grand prize.
SimCity
The Game: One of the best-selling PC franchises of all time, Will Wright’s city simulation gives players a plot of land and tasks them with managing and growing an ever expanding metropolis.
Hollywood’s Terrible Adaptation: The movie opens on a grassy field. In the distance we see one man, named Slick Cityton, who hammers a sign into the ground that says Buttville. The rest of the film follows Slick as he fights with labor unions and zoning districts in order to build a “cool” city. A recurring subplot has Slick constantly raising and lowering taxes and struggling to figure out why certain parts of his city still don’t have electricity. Critics pan the film and comment on the odd directorial choice to keep Slick from aging even though the film opens during the turn of the industrial revolution and ends with flying cars and bio domes.
Guitar Hero
The Game: Harmonix’s initial music rhythm game
helped spark a cultural phenomenon and encouraged folks across the
country to buy real guitars (that they’re still planning on learning to
play someday). Later editions added drums and vocals, letting players
live out their dream of being a rockstar.
Hollywood’s Terrible Adaptation: Apollo Rocket is one of the country’s hottest rockstars, but after one wild night of partying, Apollo crashes his nitro fueled super car (that was given to him by NASA) into the side of a mountain. Unfortunately, Apollo’s hands are crushed and it looks like he might never play the guitar again. But when a beautiful young woman nurses Apollo back to health, he starts to feel like he can love again. After Apollo’s new love tells him she’s moving to Antarctica, he rushes to the airport and uses the power of music to land the plane and prove he can be the hero to win back her heart.
Flower
The Game: Thatgamecompany’s artsy indie game where players control the wind as it blows through a series of valleys and collects flower pedals evoked a sense of calm beauty. Flower is a lot more like a visual poem than a narrative, which is why it would be such a terrible movie.
Hollywood’s Terrible Adaptation: This animated film about a bunch of dancing flower pedals stars a spunky young leafling called Tupil, who grows tired of her lot in life always tumbling through the field. One day, Tupil decides that she wants to remain on the ground. Meanwhile all of her friends are making fun of her, saying that flower pedals weren’t made to rest on the ground. The movie ends when viewers realize that they’re not at the movie theater, but actually looking out the window of their grandparents' farm.
Coming Up Next: We explore how to adapt a handful of classic games and and interactive workout for film...