Sony has put together a ragtag crew of characters for its upcoming brawler. Some of them are right at home pummeling opponents. Others? Not so much. Let the praise/mocking begin.
I don't play a lot of fighting games, but I do know a thing or two about breaking down the best and worst characters in games, which is exactly what PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale needs. Seriously, did anyone vet this list of fighters? It's just plain irresponsible to march some of these contenders to their certain doom. But before we get to the losers, let's take a look at the fighters you're going to want to make a mad dash for at the character-select screen.
The Best of Battle Royale:
Kratos
Look, there's only one god-killer in this game, and he
happens to be extremely good at it. Kratos has made a career of slaughtering
impossibly powerful bosses that tower over him, oftentimes finishing them off
in horrifically gruesome ways. Heck, he ripped Helios' head off and then used
it as a lantern for the rest of God of War III. Does anyone think he's not
going to be the champion of Battle Royale?
Dante
Devil May Cry's iconic demon hunter is another obvious
choice. Seriously, Dante hunts demons for a living; I think he handle a lombax.
If Dante's profession isn't enough to convince you, consider the fact that he
himself is half-demon. Actually, that kind of makes him a hypocrite, but no
less of a badass. Dante also has a variety of demonic and angelic weapons at
his disposal, including his iconic sword Rebellion. Even if it is the new emo
Dante, he's still an easy choice.
Evil Cole
You know what comes in handy in a fight? Super powers. Cole
Macgrath has all kinds of crazy super powers, and unlike good Cole, evil Cole
isn't held back by stupid morality. Instead of whining about civilians or his
dumb girlfriend Trish, evil Cole's biggest moral quandary is whether to kill everyone
with fire or lightning. Spoiler: the answer is always "both."
Heihachi Mishima
Heihachi might not have awesome mystical powers like some of
the characters on this list, but he's been dominating in fighting tournaments
since most of Battle Royale's contenders were in diapers. How tough is
Heihachi? Once upon a time, Heihachi got tossed off a cliff by his vengeful son,
who made a pact with the devil to beat his father. Heihachi responded by
crawling back out, beating everyone in the next King of Iron Fist tournament, and
then throwing his son into a volcano. It won't win him any Father of the Year
awards, but it makes for a pretty impressive bullet point on your fighting
resume.
Big Daddy
Big Daddy might not be the toughest video game enemy (after
all, you kill about a dozen of them in the first BioShock), but he does have a
giant drill at his disposal, along with a variety of plasmids. That's still a
heck of a lot better than Sly's pimp cane. Also, look at how big his fist is!
Imagine getting walloped with that giant mitt...
Coming Up Next: Five characters you'd be a fool to choose...