Pokémon is celebrating 20 years this year, and Red and Blue are finally releasing on the 3DS Virtual Console. In honor of the occasion, we decided to rank all 151 of the original pocket monsters and write about what makes each one so great/lame. It was a decision we immediately regretted once we started putting together the list, but one we're happy to share with you.
This feature was originally published on February 26, 2016.
Pokémon Go has given us all Pokémon fever, which
seemed like a great excuse to re-share our ranking.
As the headline implies, we start with what we consider to be the dumbest of Game Freak's original offerings, and slowly make our way to the best of the best.
Kyle Hilliard, Jeff Marchiafva, Ben Reeves, and interns Joe Buchholz, Connor Trinske, and Luke Walaszek all contributed to this exhaustive list.
 | 151. Tangela Pokémon has seen its share of creatively challenged monster designs throughout the years, with characters shaped like keys (Klefki), swords (Honedge), and whatever the heck an Unown is supposed to be. It’s only fitting that the #151 spot on our ranking goes to the Pokémon that established the we-definitely-made-a-thing design philosophy of the series’ most forgettable contenders: Tangela. Simply put, Tangela is tangled ball of…something – that’s really as far as the design goes. He’s got two eyes and two feet, but you can tell Tangela never evolved beyond its poorly conceived pun name. You should have stopped at 150, Game Freak. |
 | 150. Jynx …Make that 149. Forever known as the racist Pokémon, Jynx’s original design has been roundly criticized for looking a whole lot like a character in blackface, leading Game Freak to change her complexion to purple in future installments. However, Jynx’s defenders claim that the Pokémon isn’t racist at all, but rather based on the operatic “Fat Lady.” We’ll leave it to someone else to debate whether that’s any better, but either way Jynx isn’t nearly worth the trouble she’s caused the series. Jynx, indeed. |
 | 149. Mr. Mime As if normal mimes aren’t bad enough, Mr. Mime appears to also be at least part demonic clown. And why is a mime a Pokémon anyway? That makes being owned and forced to fight by a “trainer” even more disturbing. We’ll see you in our nightmares, Mr. Mime. What’s that? You’re trapped in an invisible box? Good. Now let’s fill that box with cement. |
 | 148. Lickitung Lickitung is basically just a charmander with a giant tongue. That he presumably uses to lick things. We’re not sure how that’s an advantage in battle, and judging from his calamitous expression, Lickitung doesn’t either. Just in case you thought “giant tongue Pokémon” was an unambitious design goal, Lickitung appears to also have a nipple on the bottom of his foot. We’re totally lickadone with this weirdo. |
 | 147. Wigglytuff There’s a reason no one evolves their Jigglypuff beyond their adorable adolescent phase, and that’s because, like Michael Cera, their grown-up counterpart isn’t nearly as cute. Wigglytuff looks like a super-high furby, and wouldn’t fare any better in battle. Save yourself a moonstone and avoid this rabbit-eared abomination at all costs. |
 | 146. Slowpoke Slowpoke is a cross between a pink salamander and a lumpy bodypillow that somehow evolved a mouth. Who would want a Pokemon that’s slower than a geriatric snail in peanut butter? Seriously, Slowpoke is so slow you have to measure the speed of his attacks with a calendar. Watching glaciers melt is mind numbing, but it’s better than hanging out with this guy. Still, some terrifying secret lurks behind his cold dead eyes. |
 | 145. Grimer Grimer is a slimy, amorphous blob-like Pokémon, but he looks more like a stale bucket of mop water that came to life. Grimer looks like what’s left after a frustrated vegan threw up their hands. It must be really frustrating to have a baby Grimer, because you never know when to change their diapers. |
 | 144. Exeggutor Exeggutor is egg-straordinary; we don’t even want to crack into this entry. What? Exeggutor isn’t an egg Pokémon? You could have fooled us. That’s how little we care about them. Exeggutor is actually a bipedal plant Pokémon that resembles a coconut tree. Based on what we know about coconut water, he’s probably full of a liquid that taste like a donkey’s bladder. |
 | 143. Electrode This guy is supposed to look like a reverse-colored Poke-ball, but let’s be honest; the artists just got tired of drawing goofy-looking animals and phoned this one in. Electrode is an electric/dull-type Pokémon and his attacks are said to be able to cause blackouts. We feel a blackout coming on right now. No, wait, that’s just boredom. |
 | 142. Magikarp The ancient Romans used to have a saying, “Magikarpe diem!” It means “stupid clownfish,” and looking at Magikarp you begin to understand why the Romans went extinct. Not only is Magikarp a worthless water Pokémon who likes to get high on seaweed, he’s so dumb that his IQ is Pi. At least he’s safe from zombies – they only eat brains. |
 | 141. Geodude More like Geodud, amiright? Sorry, that was the kind of dumb pun that a Magikarp would make. But Geodude isn’t much better. Sure, Geodudes are strong, but their brains are full of rocks. He’s dumb enough to try to wave back at the ocean. Since he’s a rock, he probably came out of a volcano at some point, but we wish he’d jump back in one. Yeah, we don’t lava that joke either. |
 | 140. Koffing This poisonous Gas Pokémon probably got its name when one of the designers starting choking on a cookie during a naming meeting. At least Koffing isn’t totally worthless; they make good ashtrays. |
 | 139. Drowzee Let’s face it: When Drowsee isn’t nodding off in the middle of combat, this handsy anteater is a harassment lawsuit just waiting to happen. |
 | 138. Zubat Any spelunker knows how much these life-stealing bats suck – you can’t walk five steps in a cave without getting attacked by one. Even if they’re not the worst fighters to have on your roster, our continual run-ins with these flying rodents have ruined us on Zubat. That and their name is stupid, too. |
 | 137. Rattata Thanks to his oversized teeth and fierce scowl, Rattata certainly looks intimidating – until you remember that he’s just a pipsqueak of a rodent. In contrast, Pikachu is also a rodent – who can summon lightning bolts down onto enemies. Sorry Rattata, you’re way out of your league. |